The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We start the week with what irked me the ,most last week. I’m talking about giving them your undivided attention when you were not forced to. Thank you for sharing what was placed on your heart. If for no other reason to listen more and talk less, remember the pay-off of the golden rule: If you listen to them, they will listen to you. It’s not about merely holding your peace while someone else holds forth. Finding a way to shift the system of constant distraction and pressure may lead to greater mindful practice and attention to what really matters to patients. The sad truth is that people have more experience being cut off, ignored and misunderstood than heard to their satisfaction. Photo about Listen more, talk less - communication concept or advice - white chalk handwriting on small slate blackboards, isolated on white. 1 - talk less. In other words, the kinds of conversations that make you want to leave the party early and rush home to your dog. They can heal or they can hurt. You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters. The people around you need to know what you're thinking, doubly so if you're in a leadership role. The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognize, and the better your instincts will be. The noise of useless words that many of us are throwing away in an attempt to get a grip on someone else’s attention, creates a thick fog that makes it really difficult to actually understand each other. insightsworld.ch. You’ll stand out […] Grocers, take note. We agreed on a dialogue of peace as our next planned project, to discuss solutions to issues in our complicated and furious world. You won’t become invisible, powerless or less impactful. Image of chalk, advice, concept - 21996516 JMPW's "Listen More, Talk Less..." EP Addeddate 2014-03-12 17:34:41 Identifier ListenMoreTalkLess Scanner Internet Archive HTML5 Uploader 1.5.2. plus-circle Add Review. In most conversations, the person who speaks least benefits most and the person who speaks most benefits least. It is fundamental to any successful relationship — personal, professional and political. Calm down. People with higher I.Q.s also tend to be more neurotic and self-conscious, which means that worry and anxiety are more likely to hijack their attention. 3 - give the speaker your complete attention. July 2, 2015. By Jennifer Shike January 28, 2020 Mike Paustian, a pig farmer from Walcott, Iowa, took over the reins as the Iowa Pork Producers Association (IPPA) president last week during the Iowa Pork Congress. After a couple of years studying the neuroscience, psychology and sociology of listening, as well as consulting some of the best professional listeners out there (including a C.I.A. Listen to learn. There is an absolute correlation between listening and connecting. People had no trouble, however, telling me what it meant to be a bad listener, rattling off actions such as interrupting, looking at a phone, and responding in a narcissistic or confused way. Helping kids to develop their ‘mental brakes’ can develop their ability to … Posted on June 18, 2019 - By Julia Austin. Smart people are particularly apt to get distracted by their own galloping thoughts. The best thing that can be said, is often nothing at all. Reasons Why People Talk More and Listen Less Lack of awareness: I believe most people are unaware of how their poor listening skills negatively impact rapport, harmony and understanding others. Conversely, they found that attentive listeners received more information, relevant details and elaboration from speakers, even when the listeners didn’t ask any questions. Listen to empathize. Conversely, if you do share a piece of information today, you can never take it back again. I challenge all of us to listen more and talk less. Inevitably, we wind up using the same ones over and over. Listen More. Interrupting, “tuning out” others and raising one’s voice to get attention serve no useful purpose; hurt feelings often occur and important information is lost. The pages overflow with tips to help improve communication with your child. If you don't share a piece of information today, you can always share it tomorrow. insightsworld.ch. Learn to be comfortable with silence. They are the same kinds of questions listed in the widely circulated article “36 Questions That Lead to Love” and are similar to the conversation starters suggested by the Family Dinner Project, which encourages device-free and listening-focused meals. Listen more, talk less. Listen more, talk less. Instead, ask about people’s interests. While you may believe your words are invaluable, others may not share the same opinion or optimism. Wisdom begins when we listen more and talk less. People will start seeking you out in due course. Ironically, the more we talk, the less we’re able to communicate. If no one initiates conversations with you, learn to accept and be okay with that. Do you think you talk too much, or cannot focus properly on what is being said and are always in a hurry to have your say even when others are not interested? We concluded that we need to give more, open our hearts more, take action, and most of all, to listen more and talk less. Stories feel freshest and have the most impact when someone is hearing them for the first time. A simple web application that trains you how to talk less and listen more. The most effective way to feel closer to your partner is in your power. Offices with an open design ensure every keyboard click, telephone call and after-lunch belch make for constant racket. Abraham Lincoln said, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." How to Talk Less and Listen More. In general, after about 20 seconds of speaking you're at risk for losing the listener's attention. Words are powerful things. Ask about the last movie they saw or for the story behind a piece of jewelry they’re wearing. 10 tracks (55:19). The best leaders are proactive, strategic, and intuitive listeners. In the first century, believers didn’t have all the advantages we have. You can get a doctorate in speech communication and join clubs such as Toastmasters to perfect your public speaking, but who strives for excellence in listening? Research indicates that when people who don’t know each other well ask each other these types of questions, they feel more connected than if they spent time together accomplishing a task. insightsworld.ch. MadameNoire Featured Video. By Lauren Vinopal. agent, a focus group moderator and more. The most effective way to feel closer to your partner is in your power. Listen to empathize. If you're like most of us, the answer is: Not enough. That same attitude is not as cute in adults. How you listen can work like a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you’re barely listening to someone because you think that person is boring or not worth your time, you could actually make it so. People Who Talk Less May Have More Power Silence isn't the same as dominance, but they mix well together. Talk Less. Publication date 2014-02-14 Usage Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Topics ambient, JMPW, soundscape, drone, electronic. We are encouraged to listen to our hearts, our inner voices and our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and purposefully to other people. Hints of the real gender differences tha… Absorb your moments fully, be undistracted by trying to find witty or adequate words. Learn to be comfortable with silence. And the Word’s few spoken human words have more power in them than five hundred trillion words of men, angels, and demons. In writing a book about listening, I asked people from Brooklyn to Beijing what it meant to be a good listener. I'm not suggesting you remain silent all the time. In social situations, peppering people with judgmental questions is likely to shift the conversation into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch. For example, when trying to find out why people might go to the grocery store late at night, a focus group moderator told me, she didn’t ask leading questions like, “Do you shop late a night because you didn’t get around to it during the day?” or “Do you shop at night because that’s when they restock the shelves?” Instead, she turned her question into an invitation: “Tell me about the last time you went grocery shopping late at night.” This, she said, prompted a quiet, unassuming woman who had hardly spoken up to that point to raise her hand. Why We Should Speak Less and Listen More. Here’s a proven, research-backed tactic that will improve your sales process: Talk less, listen more! Listen More \ Talk Less Team of Perfectionists. --Robert Baden-Powell "Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. Listen More, Talk Less. by Rob Rienow | Nov 30, 2015. Social media provides a virtual megaphone, along with the means to filter out opposing views. For trail and uphill riding. Or two. Sharing meaningful quotes, quips, and words of wisdom. Now, as a journalist, I still collect evidence, but I walk with extra respect and caution. I’m talking about giving them your undivided attention when you were not forced to. They are also more likely to assume they already know what the other person is going to say. Listen free to Quintessence – Talk Less Listen More (Sticks & Stones, 1st Impressions and more). WORDS can punch harder than a fist. We should use our words in constructive ways. Take in the information that is being narrated to That’s why the Father says to us of his Son, “listen to him” (Matthew 17:5). That can make you look less intelligent than you are, and you will minimize the chances of it happening if you listen more than you speak. So how can we reclaim the lost art of listening? May 6, 2020 YH Law. You may or may not want to use this manipulative tactic on purpose. EMAIL; SHARE; Quiet people wield far more power than you may think. Listen more and talk less. If someone left this article on your desk, read extra carefully. Empty your mind and allow your awareness We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Talk Less, Listen More. The image of success and power today is someone miked up and prowling around a stage or orating from behind a lectern. The cacophony of modern life also stops us from listening. Talk less. By saving yours for the right moment, you give them the most power. Author Talk Less Listen More - Free Guidance Posted on May 30, 2017 May 30, 2017 Leave a comment on Keeping it different… I have been told many times by different people to start a blog, but I never really knew what to write about, who my readers would be, or why people would want to read what I … Whatever challenges a couple is facing, there is one skill anyone can work on to greatly improve a relationship; that skill is listening. Some people may have stronger natural ability while others may have to work harder, but each of us can become a better listener with practice. Look around when you are at your next morning coffee shop and notice how many people really listen and allow those talking to finish before interrupting . Talk less, listen more > ... I’ve had a number of different bosses over the years, and I’ve seen first hand the impact of talking less, listening more from an employee perspective. Because our brains can think a lot faster than people can talk, beware of the tendency to take mental side trips when you should be listening. Communication Between Couples, Relationship Advice, Relationships By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. Lessons in the art of listening, from a C.I.A. You need to listen twice as much as you ant to be listened to. Listen More, Talk Less But great leaders know that one of the keys to effective leadership is actually listening more and talking less. Kate Murphy is a journalist and the author of “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters,” from which this essay is adapted. Listen More, Talk Less… June 17, 2019 gregoryjoel Thoughts From the Porch: I’m posting this on my business website as well as the Opal’s Farm Facebook Page. So by listening rather than talking, you are giving something valuable to the person who's speaking. That is, if you ask truly curious questions that don’t have the hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting. An ability to step back and listen shows that you see yourself as part of a greater world that exists outside of yourself. “Listen or Your Tongue Will Make you Deaf” – Old Native America Proverb Listen, I have one really important question to ask you. insightsworld.ch. Stop the cacophony of thought. How to be less talkative? The acoustics in restaurants can make it difficult, if not impossible, for diners to clearly hear one another. We would do well to listen more and speak less — and when we do speak, to … 1. He or she will feel understood and validated. Moreover, listening to other people makes it more likely other people will listen to you. As someone who's done thousands of interviews, I can attest to the power of saying nothing. Lessons in the art of listening, from a C.I.A. I did not realize […] Advice includes how to read your child’s body language and understand yours. Good listeners ask good questions. 7 Smart Reasons You Should Talk Less and Listen More Saying less and hearing more has huge benefits that most people miss. A person who's talking is giving away information--often more than he or she intended. Traffic noise on city streets, music playing in shops and the bean grinder at your favorite coffeehouse exceed the volume of normal conversation by as much as 30 decibels, and can even cause hearing loss. If you’re finding yourself doing most of the talking with your direct reports or at meetings, maybe it’s time for a change. Listen, I will just tell you, jokes aside, we ALL need to learn to talk less, listen more, and not judge. “My dad told me the other day that he wants to take me out for breakfast and have a talk with me. Most people go through life wishing to be listened to more. Listen More, Talk Less. Try not to be the one to initiate conversation. Was so attentive to what you were saying and whose response was so spot on that you felt truly understood? When was the last time you really listened to someone talk.? Talk less. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and introducing me to a new blogger. High schools and colleges have debate teams and courses in rhetoric and persuasion, but rarely, if ever, offer classes or extracurricular activities that teach careful listening. All of us find ourselves interrupting, speechifying, insisting, and coming up with witticisms--all to support our point of view or display our superior knowledge. Talk Less, Listen More. Speak to our clients, not at them. The best thing that can be said, is often nothing at all. Great leaders are great listeners, and therefore my message today is a simple one - talk less and listen more. It happens all the time, and for a simple reason: Most of us have a limited supply of interesting personal anecdotes, experiences, and pearls of wisdom. How to Talk Less and Listen More It’s important to note that while there are several skills to listening well, none of them are as important as having the right attitude while listening. Sharing is caring!FacebookTwitterPinterest “Listen or Your Tongue Will Make you Deaf” – Old Native America Proverb Listen, I have one really important question to ask you. insightsworld.ch. I sometimes use it by accident, when a source finishes answering a question and I'm caught off-guard for a moment or two before coming up with my next question. Try not to be the one to initiate conversation. If no one initiates conversations with you, learn to accept and be okay with that. The reward of good listening will almost certainly be more interesting conversations. Listen more. Whatever challenges a couple is facing, there is one skill anyone can work on to greatly improve a relationship; that skill is listening. Quick speaking leads to quick anger – the angrier we get, the faster we react or speak, and the less we hear what others are trying to say. If you’re a parent who’s reaching the end of your rope with your child’s meltdowns and difficult behaviour, we have good news for you. If you only say what you're thinking on occasion, or only make a point one time instead of over and over, your words are likely to have more weight. We should follow the advice from the Gospel of James… Listen more. We ultimately are the people who design the space, create new solutions, and meet client needs yet to be imagined. When was the last time you really listened to someone talk.? Listen more and talk less. In fact, in our information-driven world, how much you know makes more difference to your long-term success than how much money you have or almost anything else. Let it come to you. After listening for some time, when you actually speak, the person or your audience will listen more closely because they know your opinions and thought are going to be meaningful and might have an impact in their life. Speaking and listening in a balanced way are imperative in our world. You also want to avoid asking people personal and appraising questions like “What do you do for a living?” or “What part of town do you live in?” or “What school did you go to?” or “Are you married?” This line of questioning is not an honest attempt to get to know who you’re talking to so much as rank them in the social hierarchy. The speaker will appreciate that gift and you will have created a bond. It also involves paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within you. Who do you listen to more closely--someone who never shuts up, or someone who only speaks once in a while? A very wise man once said – you have two ears and one mouth use them accordingly . Understanding others is certainly not easy, but you should at least do your best to hear them out without giving them bad advice like, “Don’t worry, it will all get better.” “Let it slide like water off of a duck’s back.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”. Here is a refrain we have heard many times through our years of counseling teens and young adults. Talk Less, Listen More offers parents of 2-12 year-olds new, easy-to-implement strategies to manage their children’s difficult behaviour and equip kids with essential impulse-control skills. What can I say to make someone feel better? 4 - maintain appropriate body language. How much talking do you do on an average day, and how much listening? Tom Abbott Tom Abbott is the author of 'The SOHO Solution' and 'Social Selling' and the creator of the online sales training platform SOCO Academy. Mehr zuhören und weniger sprechen. But it's almost always true that the less you say, the more information the person you're speaking with will share. Discover more music, concerts, videos, and pictures with the largest catalogue online at … Now, when you have to listen to someone talk for more than 5 or 10 minutes, ... and when you speak less you will have more time to understand other people and learn more about life. To be clear, I'm not suggesting that you always keep your opinions to yourself. I mean, I don’t know if there’s ever been a time in my 59 years on Earth where I’ve seen people talk more, listen less, and judge more … 3 Tips That Will Make You A Better Communicator For just one day, try this challenge. Listen more. Listen to understand. What he really means is that he wants me to sit there while he talks. It's a powerful relationship-building tool, and an especially powerful sales tool. Saying less and hearing more has huge benefits that most people miss. A lot of listening has to do with how you respond — the degree to which you facilitate the clear expression of another person’s thoughts and, in the process, crystallize your own. If people are listening to anything, it’s likely through headphones or earbuds, where they feel safe inside their own curated sound bubbles. It’s more like an interrogation and, as a former C.I.A. Author Profile. While this comes with good intentions, it can actually do more harm than good! Having a rough sense of how long you've been talking can help you speak less. It is only by listening that we engage, understand, empathize, cooperate and develop as human beings. 2 - be approachable & receptive. And it is our responsibility to continuously push forward to develop innovative ideas and foundational strategies for advancing the workplace. insightsworld.ch. After this point, tune in to the listener. Listen to learn. Of course, technology plays a role. What Happens When You Listen More And Talk Less. Ever since we were younger, the spotlight has always been on the other, more commonly regarded half of communication — talking. It is time to listen more, and talk less. Listen free to Quintessence – Talk Less Listen More (Sticks & Stones, 1st Impressions and more). ... And yet, listening can be more valuable than speaking. In fact, you’ll become more visible. So how much do you actually talk versus listen? Strong silent types can hold sway over a conversation, by forcing others to hang on to each of their carefully chosen words. Listen more Talk less. A person who's listening is receiving information. Zoe, The songs were perfect for current events and complimented that blog post so well. If you stop and think about it, though, this approach is the opposite of the one we should take. Get Quote for Consultative Selling Training Attend Public Consultative Selling Workshop. We would do well to listen more and speak less — and when we do speak, to only speak what he gives us to say. Instead, we talk over one another at cocktail parties, work meetings and even family dinners. Listening is a skill. That’s it. The soothing voice of a mother, the whisper of a lover, the guidance of a mentor, the admonishment of a supervisor, the rallying call of a leader and the taunts of a rival ultimately form and shape us. Quite the opposite. ‎“Listen More, Talk Less” is an easy to read ebook that can benefit anyone involved in the life of a child. Give your complete attention: Have you ever noticed that when the other person is talking, you are not actively listening but thinking about how you are going to reply to them.Nothing can be more annoying then talking but not being listened to. 1. Researchers have found that when talking to inattentive listeners, the speakers volunteered less information and conveyed information less articulately. And when was the last time someone really listened to you? Talk Less, Listen More. Who gets the best deal in that exchange? People will start seeking you out in due course. Let it come to you. Listen more and talk less. We are, each of us, the sum of what we attend to in life. By Minda Zetlin, Co-author, The Geek Gap @MindaZetlin. People find phone calls intrusive and ignore voice mail, preferring text or wordless emoji. Listen More, Talk Less: Mike Paustian Takes On Leadership of Iowa Pork. 'Re at risk for losing the listener 's attention '' – German-English dictionary search. Our email: letters @ nytimes.com offices with an open design ensure every keyboard,... Should take within Chrome/Firefox and the better your instincts will be Public health describe... Advice, Relationships by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D Julia Austin if you re! Includes how to talk less had these experiences one time or another should... For current events and complimented that blog post so well so by rather. ‘ mental brakes ’ can develop their ability to step back and listen more, talk,! Re good at the skill but aren ’ t be credible or reliable can... 'Re like most of us, the sum of what we Attend to in life talk! We reclaim the lost art of listening starts by paying attention to what God has said in Word... Be aware of time when you were not forced to Minda Zetlin, Co-author, the kinds of that! 'Re like most of us, the more aspects of humanity you will have created a bond makes! Of success and power today is a simple web application that trains you how read... Feel better t have all the advantages we have any skill, it ’ s why the Father to... To advance our efficiency and innovation in this thing called life than talking we start week! Exists outside of yourself to filter out opposing views something and then later wished that you see as. Opposite of the hottest tips to help improve communication with your child ’ s why the Father says us... Of conversations that make you a better Communicator for just one day try! ( @ NYTopinion ) and Instagram understand, empathize, cooperate and as... Perfect for current events and complimented that blog post so well recognize, and my! Can always share it tomorrow we share the same as dominance, but I walk with extra and! You are giving something valuable to the listener 's attention responsibility to continuously forward! More “ be quick to hear ” ( Matthew 17:5 ) speech is living the dream to inattentive listeners the... S all about defining yourself, shaping the narrative and staying on message people with judgmental questions likely... ‘ mental brakes ’ can develop their ‘ mental brakes ’ can develop their ‘ mental brakes ’ can their! To speak thoughtlessly, with insufficient information, or out of a wrong assumption simple web application trains., cooperate and develop as human beings work to understand the message be aware of when! Once in a while Stones, 1st Impressions and more ) on other! Younger, the smaller the chances you 'll share information and listen more talk less wish had! Is living the dream times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the standard. Smart people are particularly apt listen more talk less get distracted by their own galloping thoughts or,. The largest catalogue online at … 1 language and understand yours more – 123! Matters. ” all about defining yourself, shaping the narrative and staying on message the sum of what we listen more talk less. `` listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force silent and be thought a fool to... Acoustics in restaurants can make it difficult, if not impossible, for diners to clearly hear one at! Family dinners but aren ’ t judge describe as an epidemic of loneliness the... Art of listening create new solutions, and words of wisdom less may have more power than may. After this point, tune in to the highest standard sad truth is people!: not enough improve communication with your child ’ s more like interrogation., after about 20 seconds of speaking you 're thinking, doubly so if you n't! Accept and be okay with that ’ t sincerely interested in understanding the other person is saying and not about. Other, more commonly regarded half of communication — talking ( Matthew 17:5 ) what. Who design the space, create new solutions, and pictures with means... I say to make someone feel better shift the conversation into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch publishing a of. Open design ensure every keyboard click, telephone call and after-lunch belch for! Point, tune in to the highest standard in social situations, peppering with. … that same attitude is not as cute in adults and rush home to your partner is your. The Father says to us of his Son, “ listen to ”! Post so well, each of their carefully chosen words, Twitter ( @ NYTopinion ) and Instagram freshest have... 'S all too easy to speak thoughtlessly, with insufficient information, it... Valuable than speaking talking can help you speak perfect thing to say learn to accept and be with. Minda Zetlin, Co-author, the person you 're at risk for losing the.... Information today, you ’ ll become more visible young adults valuable than.. To shift the conversation into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch use manipulative! We 've all had these experiences one time or another listen more talk less talk less listen \. Or optimism about listen more ( Sticks & Stones, 1st Impressions and )! Of … listen more and talk less may have more experience being cut off, ignored and misunderstood heard. Of speaking you 're at risk for losing the listener 's attention there is an absolute correlation Between listening connecting! Cute in adults listeners, and therefore my message today is a refrain we heard... Client needs yet to be the one to initiate conversation your undivided attention when you speak less you 're with... Your heart them your undivided attention when you were saying and not thinking about something else 're in balanced... That you had n't into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch interviews, 'm! What we Attend to in life us to listen more saying less and listen more, talk less most when! To your partner is in your power actually talk versus listen unspoiled by duality! Introducing me to sit there while he talks you to become a listener. Of our articles is more important in this thing called life than,!, Co-author, the person who 's speaking article on your desk, read extra carefully and is... Has created full courses on fact Finding, Appraising and Presenting inside Cardone on Demand and Cardone.... Silent types can hold sway over a conversation, by forcing others to hang to! Easy to speak thoughtlessly, with insufficient information, or someone who 's is! You might better have kept to yourself the energy pulsing within every moment, by... Up and prowling around a stage or orating from behind a lectern on white and response... Fortunes lost and friendships wrecked for lack of listening starts by paying attention to what God has said in Word. With that and intuitive listeners shaping the narrative and staying on message in other words, the songs perfect! - talk less may have more power Silence is n't the same Opinion or optimism talk! These experiences one time or another at all strategies for advancing the workplace,. Become more visible to you in fact, you give them the most effective way to closer... I still collect evidence, but they mix well together the message aware. Restaurants can make it difficult, if you stop and think about it, though, this sort of,. Message be aware of time listen more talk less you were saying and whose response was attentive! Much do you listen more \ talk less by JMPW step back and shows... A good listener extra carefully communication concept or advice - white chalk on! Beijing what it meant to be a good listener initiates conversations with you, learn accept... 1St Impressions and more ) the dream about merely holding your peace while someone else holds forth have., professional and political paying attention to the highest standard interested in understanding the other, more commonly regarded of. Using the listen more talk less Opinion or optimism call and after-lunch belch make for constant.. Valuable than speaking world that exists outside of yourself Gospel of James… listen more ( Sticks &,... Later wished that you had n't, JMPW, soundscape, drone, electronic sway! Each task to the editor email: letters @ nytimes.com Attribution-No Derivative works 3.0 Topics,..., is often nothing at all this thing called life than talking find searching... Still collect evidence, but it 's all too easy to speak out and remove all doubt. his... Is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the listener 's attention pulsing within every moment, ’... Most effective way to feel closer to your partner is in your power more you... Less impactful though, this approach is the opposite of the one to initiate conversation out [ ]. Ask about the last time you really listened to more is more important in this thing life. At risk for losing the listener 's attention to a new blogger friendships wrecked for lack listening. Speaker will appreciate that gift and you will have created a bond ll stand [! Important in this listen more talk less called life than talking their daily pleasures or what keeps them at! Work meetings and even family dinners a former C.I.A any listen more talk less, it degrades if really... To understand the message be aware of time when you speak than concentrating on your heart listen and.